Relationship With Life On The Mend
They say its most ideal to live with no regrets. Personally, as far as I'm concerned, I really don't know how I could. Personality speaking, I'm not really happy with the personality that I carry today. I'm not happy with the thought processes over the years, the deeds I did over the years, and the overall mentality that I've carried for so long.
I think to the outside, I'm rather perceived as inapproachable. I wish it wasn't this way and I try to figure out how to change that. I smile a whole helluva lot more, I've discarded some of the clothing and caps and other expressions that may lead people to believe that I was bad news, or unapproachable. Still, I think the perception remains. I'm terrible at making friends. Very few of the friends that I enjoy today are from fewer than 10 years ago, and often I feel out of touch. I shouldn't, though. I know I'm cool, and the friends I do have had the patience to find that out, but even to them, my existence is kinda dull. I doubt I'm the first person on their address books!
My girlfriend says for me to not worry about that, but we all strive for significance and sometimes, I feel like I'm adding very little in contribution to the world. I work a job that I don't wanna say everybody can do because it is physically demanding, but it not a industry that would lose much without me.
As I near my 30th birthday, I ask "How did shit get like this?" How did my life become so dull and bland and unnoticeable? More importantly, how do I reinvent myself so that I can have the personal interest and enjoyment of all of the things life and living have to offer.
Part of the reason I decided to chronicle my relationship with life is because I wanted to journal my life and interests as it evolves into a new phase. My blog should more appropriately be described as my relationship with me. Right now, its in quite a limbo, but I'm finally getting some good encouragement and direction. I'm finally understanding what it is to be oneself; rather than what I'm supposed to be.
One of the things I learned through close examination is just the amount of pressure and strain I put on myself continually. Mentally, I'm always preoccupied that I easily forget or neglect. Its sort of like a mental torment but its been continually running for so long that its like a normal state for me. I think my soul has known this and that's why ever since I was a young adult, I've been trying and searching for some spiritual release. Its like for years my fullness of self has been locked under those things, and fear and timidity have lived in place of me. Maybe I have a constant look on grim discontent that makes me appear unapproachable even when I smile because of all that. Recently, my light has begun to shine more and more, but that wall is a thick one. But its that which lets me know I'm on pace. Where? Wherever freedom and self actualization is. My relationship with life is finally talking flight.
I think to the outside, I'm rather perceived as inapproachable. I wish it wasn't this way and I try to figure out how to change that. I smile a whole helluva lot more, I've discarded some of the clothing and caps and other expressions that may lead people to believe that I was bad news, or unapproachable. Still, I think the perception remains. I'm terrible at making friends. Very few of the friends that I enjoy today are from fewer than 10 years ago, and often I feel out of touch. I shouldn't, though. I know I'm cool, and the friends I do have had the patience to find that out, but even to them, my existence is kinda dull. I doubt I'm the first person on their address books!
My girlfriend says for me to not worry about that, but we all strive for significance and sometimes, I feel like I'm adding very little in contribution to the world. I work a job that I don't wanna say everybody can do because it is physically demanding, but it not a industry that would lose much without me.
As I near my 30th birthday, I ask "How did shit get like this?" How did my life become so dull and bland and unnoticeable? More importantly, how do I reinvent myself so that I can have the personal interest and enjoyment of all of the things life and living have to offer.
Part of the reason I decided to chronicle my relationship with life is because I wanted to journal my life and interests as it evolves into a new phase. My blog should more appropriately be described as my relationship with me. Right now, its in quite a limbo, but I'm finally getting some good encouragement and direction. I'm finally understanding what it is to be oneself; rather than what I'm supposed to be.
One of the things I learned through close examination is just the amount of pressure and strain I put on myself continually. Mentally, I'm always preoccupied that I easily forget or neglect. Its sort of like a mental torment but its been continually running for so long that its like a normal state for me. I think my soul has known this and that's why ever since I was a young adult, I've been trying and searching for some spiritual release. Its like for years my fullness of self has been locked under those things, and fear and timidity have lived in place of me. Maybe I have a constant look on grim discontent that makes me appear unapproachable even when I smile because of all that. Recently, my light has begun to shine more and more, but that wall is a thick one. But its that which lets me know I'm on pace. Where? Wherever freedom and self actualization is. My relationship with life is finally talking flight.
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