The Blessing of the Quiet
I've been quiet so far in 2012.
It has not been totally by design. After ending 2011 and beginning 2012 talking and quarreling way too much, I got the message real early that I was going to have to make some changes. After struggling through a month of drastically reduced work hours, I spent the first few weeks of February with the worst flu of my life. For five straight days I experienced a temperature at or around 102, and was bedridden for most of that time. Heck, I even missed the Super Bowl, waking up at the very very end of the game, too sick to care who won. As my temperature subsided, a severe throat infection followed which left me unable to consume anything cold for about the following week and a half afterwards. While I still have a slight cough as a remnant of the illness, I'm back up my feet, working out about as regularly as I did since my accident four years ago, and I'm as energetic and as active as ever. But just before I had gotten sick, my friend gave me an assignment that I was about to follow through on. She asked me to write down everything that was bothering me. Whether it be historical issues that have continued over the decades of my life, or rather it was tiny pet peeves that nagged at me at the most random of equations. It is an exercise of letting go. Since recovering, I have resumed this process, with the results and effects to come.
Over this past month and since my illness hit, I've been spending less home time with the television on. In fact, I've been spending less time with any sort of media on. Its been less social networking, less talk radio, and more quiet time. The initial purpose of this was simply to eliminate the distraction that was getting in the way of my development as an aspiring web designer. That much has worked. While learning the art of design has still been very difficult, and while its a safe bet that I'll still probably need a mentor to help me out in that regard. I've made progress in a lot of areas and now am gaining a clear direction of how I'm going to need to navigate these waters.
The most important progress has been in my personal life, however. Through the blessing of quiet, I am rediscovering the power of listening. All day, I had been inundated with opinions, comments, takes, and voices; everybody expressing themselves all the time. It was opinions on life, opinions on food, opinions on health, opinions on sports; arguments, affirmations, declarations, comments, opinions, words, more words, blah, blah, blah, and even more blah! I was absorbing so much, I felt like I was about to explode. Through the quiet, I have learned to listen again. Quiet can be uncertain, even a little uncomfortable, and its in those uncertain and uncomfortable moments that I've had to be open and receptive. Ironically, being open and receptive are two qualities that I found seriously lacking as I entered 2012. By first opening up to myself, I came face to face with certain attitudes and behaviors that I didn't like, and decide that I wanted to change them. On top of that, I was able to further get back in touch with what it is that I want, and from there, I have been able to once again set goals for myself that will chart a path. Equally as important, I was able to reopen up my mind to others with the sort of understanding and patience that I've been known to lack. This has been the greatest blessing. Opening myself will lead to the blessing of having valuable friends with whom I can further share and enjoy the fruits of life with.
It is all still a work in progress, but it is progress. And the more I dwell in the quiet; and the more I can be quiet, then the more I can learn to make myself at home where it can be a bit uncertain and uncomfortable.
It has not been totally by design. After ending 2011 and beginning 2012 talking and quarreling way too much, I got the message real early that I was going to have to make some changes. After struggling through a month of drastically reduced work hours, I spent the first few weeks of February with the worst flu of my life. For five straight days I experienced a temperature at or around 102, and was bedridden for most of that time. Heck, I even missed the Super Bowl, waking up at the very very end of the game, too sick to care who won. As my temperature subsided, a severe throat infection followed which left me unable to consume anything cold for about the following week and a half afterwards. While I still have a slight cough as a remnant of the illness, I'm back up my feet, working out about as regularly as I did since my accident four years ago, and I'm as energetic and as active as ever. But just before I had gotten sick, my friend gave me an assignment that I was about to follow through on. She asked me to write down everything that was bothering me. Whether it be historical issues that have continued over the decades of my life, or rather it was tiny pet peeves that nagged at me at the most random of equations. It is an exercise of letting go. Since recovering, I have resumed this process, with the results and effects to come.
Over this past month and since my illness hit, I've been spending less home time with the television on. In fact, I've been spending less time with any sort of media on. Its been less social networking, less talk radio, and more quiet time. The initial purpose of this was simply to eliminate the distraction that was getting in the way of my development as an aspiring web designer. That much has worked. While learning the art of design has still been very difficult, and while its a safe bet that I'll still probably need a mentor to help me out in that regard. I've made progress in a lot of areas and now am gaining a clear direction of how I'm going to need to navigate these waters.
The most important progress has been in my personal life, however. Through the blessing of quiet, I am rediscovering the power of listening. All day, I had been inundated with opinions, comments, takes, and voices; everybody expressing themselves all the time. It was opinions on life, opinions on food, opinions on health, opinions on sports; arguments, affirmations, declarations, comments, opinions, words, more words, blah, blah, blah, and even more blah! I was absorbing so much, I felt like I was about to explode. Through the quiet, I have learned to listen again. Quiet can be uncertain, even a little uncomfortable, and its in those uncertain and uncomfortable moments that I've had to be open and receptive. Ironically, being open and receptive are two qualities that I found seriously lacking as I entered 2012. By first opening up to myself, I came face to face with certain attitudes and behaviors that I didn't like, and decide that I wanted to change them. On top of that, I was able to further get back in touch with what it is that I want, and from there, I have been able to once again set goals for myself that will chart a path. Equally as important, I was able to reopen up my mind to others with the sort of understanding and patience that I've been known to lack. This has been the greatest blessing. Opening myself will lead to the blessing of having valuable friends with whom I can further share and enjoy the fruits of life with.
It is all still a work in progress, but it is progress. And the more I dwell in the quiet; and the more I can be quiet, then the more I can learn to make myself at home where it can be a bit uncertain and uncomfortable.
Comments
Post a Comment