Becoming A More Social Introvert
According to the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator, I'm an Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Perceiving Type (INTP). INTP Personality types are said to make up a very, very small amount of the general population, which would make these types very different, dare I say strange to the rest of the population? I'll just say unique. Now, I'd never let an ideology tell me who I am, I am my own man and I am a slave to no character identification, whether cultural, racial, gender, or psychological. I am however, perceptive enough to know when something is describing me quite well.
About the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator
Read: An INTP Profile
Read: Portrait of an INTP
It seems like in society today we are encouraged to be social butterflies; extroverts. We're encouraged to go out, experience this and that, and 'live a little'; as if a chill Friday night at home isn't 'living'. (If I really wanted to get conspiratorial I'd say that a lot of that is pushed by advertisers flooding our airwaves and cyberspace trying to get us to go out and consume, consume, and consume some more!) It seems like because I don't get out on the weekends or have a crew of guys that I get together with to watch the games, hit up bars, or go to parties, people look at me like I'm anti-social or something. None of the above. I'm nowhere near against any of the aforementioned activities. What I am, however, is very very selective of not only the instances, but also of the people that I choose to do these things with. It makes for a very difficult thing to explain, not only for others to understand, but even for me to be able to come up with the words.
Being an introvert in a world that openly promotes and rewards extrovert-ism, we who exhibit these behavioral patterns can find themselves in a very lonesome place. Ideally, that lonesomeness is something that we value and keep to an extent, but while many of us do detach and would much rather be left alone many times, it's not always a fair representation.
Part of why I share this blog is in an effort to understand myself. I would also be a lie if I said that I wasn't hoping to be understood; not by the masses of people out there in the readership. For you, maybe this provides some sort of entertainment or provokes a little thought in your own mind. For those of you who I value on a personal level, who sometimes can't understand me in some way or another however, I want you, in a roundabout way, to know what I'm understanding about myself so that I can better convey it to you.
I could choose to be a recluse; to not cultivate meaningful relationships and live a life without much social interaction. I've instead chosen the opposite. I do value people. I do value their presence, their feelings, and I've chosen to live a life which involves a healthy amount of interaction, external activity, and strong interpersonal relationships. Do I need to be the center of everybody's attention? No. Nor do I want a thousand friends blowing up my phone, inbox, or mentions all the time with constant chatter. However, I do enjoy interaction, friends, activities and relationships just like anybody else, even if the who's, whats and whens for these occasions are much more limited.
I can do this while still being an introvert, but what I'm increasingly learning is that in relationships, we are more often than not tied by our feelings, and what matters is how we make each other feel and how we relate to one another's feelings. One's choice to surround themselves with me may be based on how well I take into account their feelings, how comfortable, safe, and ease they feel around me, and the amount of joy, fun, and excitement they feel while in my company.
So I don't have to be something I'm not. Being the ultimate extrovert who loves engaging in small talk and who is always the life of the party is never something that I will feel comfortable doing, nor will it ever be something that I will ever want to do. But part of being a friend and part of being someone that others enjoy and want to be around involves doing what I can to help set them at ease and know that in me there is someone who they can chill and feel welcome around. I won't be compromising who I am by making an effort to show them that I am engaged and attentive.
I hope that those out there who truly get to know me will understand my ways; and will understand when I appear to back away, or fade into the background. I hope they understand that the distance that it may look like I give off does not truly represent my sentiment.. and thus not take offense when it does seem that way. At the same time, I've purposed myself to develop the sort of ways that will allow me to relate enough to people so that I do appear more inviting, down, and understanding of them so that I can cultivate the sort of interpersonal relationships that are good.
About the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator
Read: An INTP Profile
Read: Portrait of an INTP
It seems like in society today we are encouraged to be social butterflies; extroverts. We're encouraged to go out, experience this and that, and 'live a little'; as if a chill Friday night at home isn't 'living'. (If I really wanted to get conspiratorial I'd say that a lot of that is pushed by advertisers flooding our airwaves and cyberspace trying to get us to go out and consume, consume, and consume some more!) It seems like because I don't get out on the weekends or have a crew of guys that I get together with to watch the games, hit up bars, or go to parties, people look at me like I'm anti-social or something. None of the above. I'm nowhere near against any of the aforementioned activities. What I am, however, is very very selective of not only the instances, but also of the people that I choose to do these things with. It makes for a very difficult thing to explain, not only for others to understand, but even for me to be able to come up with the words.
Being an introvert in a world that openly promotes and rewards extrovert-ism, we who exhibit these behavioral patterns can find themselves in a very lonesome place. Ideally, that lonesomeness is something that we value and keep to an extent, but while many of us do detach and would much rather be left alone many times, it's not always a fair representation.
Part of why I share this blog is in an effort to understand myself. I would also be a lie if I said that I wasn't hoping to be understood; not by the masses of people out there in the readership. For you, maybe this provides some sort of entertainment or provokes a little thought in your own mind. For those of you who I value on a personal level, who sometimes can't understand me in some way or another however, I want you, in a roundabout way, to know what I'm understanding about myself so that I can better convey it to you.
I could choose to be a recluse; to not cultivate meaningful relationships and live a life without much social interaction. I've instead chosen the opposite. I do value people. I do value their presence, their feelings, and I've chosen to live a life which involves a healthy amount of interaction, external activity, and strong interpersonal relationships. Do I need to be the center of everybody's attention? No. Nor do I want a thousand friends blowing up my phone, inbox, or mentions all the time with constant chatter. However, I do enjoy interaction, friends, activities and relationships just like anybody else, even if the who's, whats and whens for these occasions are much more limited.
I can do this while still being an introvert, but what I'm increasingly learning is that in relationships, we are more often than not tied by our feelings, and what matters is how we make each other feel and how we relate to one another's feelings. One's choice to surround themselves with me may be based on how well I take into account their feelings, how comfortable, safe, and ease they feel around me, and the amount of joy, fun, and excitement they feel while in my company.
So I don't have to be something I'm not. Being the ultimate extrovert who loves engaging in small talk and who is always the life of the party is never something that I will feel comfortable doing, nor will it ever be something that I will ever want to do. But part of being a friend and part of being someone that others enjoy and want to be around involves doing what I can to help set them at ease and know that in me there is someone who they can chill and feel welcome around. I won't be compromising who I am by making an effort to show them that I am engaged and attentive.
I hope that those out there who truly get to know me will understand my ways; and will understand when I appear to back away, or fade into the background. I hope they understand that the distance that it may look like I give off does not truly represent my sentiment.. and thus not take offense when it does seem that way. At the same time, I've purposed myself to develop the sort of ways that will allow me to relate enough to people so that I do appear more inviting, down, and understanding of them so that I can cultivate the sort of interpersonal relationships that are good.
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