It Was Worth It
A couple of weeks ago, I made a return to the place where I spent a very large part of my life: Texas.
Now, it wasn't the first time that I had been back since leaving in 2007, I went back for a few days in the fall of last year. This time, however, the visit was more comprehensive and complete. I spent quality time with quality people. I was able to sit back, stretch my legs and exhale. It was one of the most relaxed and most fun weeks that I had experienced in at least a year and a half or so. It was what a vacation is supposed to be all about; and it provided me with much respite and resolve to return home and continue on the life of peace.
The truth is, I had become disenfranchised here in the Bay Area. Being in the clutches has me itching to break out and leave, again. Coming back home has not been what I cracked it up to be. I've said it for a least a year, but maybe that's just because of the expectation that I had laid upon it. You see, when I was living in TX, I treated this place here as if it were the land of milk and honey, where all dreams come true, where old wounds suddenly healed.... some secret magical place! After 5 years, its just like another place. I'm alone most if not all of the time, and the only bit of respite that I get is when I'm near the water, reveling in my relationship with the land.
I needed the trip to TX to remind me of a time when I was loose and free, when I was around people, friends, who truly genuinely give a fuck about me without expectations and/or dependency. I've been missing that, and it was good to reclaim that.
So now I've returned. And the challenge is to now bring that looseness back home with me, so that I can foster new genuine interactions here at home. From there, maybe then being back 'home' will be more than just an ideology, but a reality.
Now, it wasn't the first time that I had been back since leaving in 2007, I went back for a few days in the fall of last year. This time, however, the visit was more comprehensive and complete. I spent quality time with quality people. I was able to sit back, stretch my legs and exhale. It was one of the most relaxed and most fun weeks that I had experienced in at least a year and a half or so. It was what a vacation is supposed to be all about; and it provided me with much respite and resolve to return home and continue on the life of peace.
The truth is, I had become disenfranchised here in the Bay Area. Being in the clutches has me itching to break out and leave, again. Coming back home has not been what I cracked it up to be. I've said it for a least a year, but maybe that's just because of the expectation that I had laid upon it. You see, when I was living in TX, I treated this place here as if it were the land of milk and honey, where all dreams come true, where old wounds suddenly healed.... some secret magical place! After 5 years, its just like another place. I'm alone most if not all of the time, and the only bit of respite that I get is when I'm near the water, reveling in my relationship with the land.
I needed the trip to TX to remind me of a time when I was loose and free, when I was around people, friends, who truly genuinely give a fuck about me without expectations and/or dependency. I've been missing that, and it was good to reclaim that.
So now I've returned. And the challenge is to now bring that looseness back home with me, so that I can foster new genuine interactions here at home. From there, maybe then being back 'home' will be more than just an ideology, but a reality.
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