Not Knowing
My life has changed so much since I was last with you all in September. I've lost someone near and dear to my heart (She didn't die, although sometimes it feels like it because she's no longer around), I've learned a new skill that could propel me into the future. I've met some awesome new people, done some great new things, and at the same time, suffered setbacks and, as is the case of my job, even remain in a spacey limbo.
Its been so much that I have barely been able to catch up to this, this Topsy turvy ride. After four long months am I finally getting my hands on this steering wheel? I think so.
Only now have I begun to feel the effects of losing my girlfriend and subsequently, my best friend. Its been a difficult navigation without having her around because she has been such a rock to me. Yeah, in matters of the heart, I can still be like a sail boat, tossed about by the winds and the rain. On the bright side, as I talked about in my last posting, the strides I have taken in learning web design give me a new found hope going forward.
I guess part of the reason why I didn't write to you guys in a while is because I simply didn't know anymore. I have profited off of my intelligence, being able to know the answers to some of life's difficult questions. How come in the past few months all has seemed to be fraudulent? Now, I don't know anymore and with that bit of knowledge comes a life of not knowing. I think that's OK because much of life seems but an illusion of perception anyway. Maybe my ego is being stripped. Again, I don't know.
I am a man in healing. I am healing of many things. But I've opted not to think of that. It always seemed a sign of weakness. Even that matters little now. I just wanna live. I'm learning to quiet my soul, for the universe has the power to preserve. I, and you, are a part of that universe, so we too have the power to preserve as well.
So after a decade of embarking on four different religious endeavors and embracing various diverse schools of thought, I'm back at square one: stillness of the soul. The state of "I don't know".
From KnaanVEVO
Its been so much that I have barely been able to catch up to this, this Topsy turvy ride. After four long months am I finally getting my hands on this steering wheel? I think so.
Only now have I begun to feel the effects of losing my girlfriend and subsequently, my best friend. Its been a difficult navigation without having her around because she has been such a rock to me. Yeah, in matters of the heart, I can still be like a sail boat, tossed about by the winds and the rain. On the bright side, as I talked about in my last posting, the strides I have taken in learning web design give me a new found hope going forward.
I guess part of the reason why I didn't write to you guys in a while is because I simply didn't know anymore. I have profited off of my intelligence, being able to know the answers to some of life's difficult questions. How come in the past few months all has seemed to be fraudulent? Now, I don't know anymore and with that bit of knowledge comes a life of not knowing. I think that's OK because much of life seems but an illusion of perception anyway. Maybe my ego is being stripped. Again, I don't know.
I am a man in healing. I am healing of many things. But I've opted not to think of that. It always seemed a sign of weakness. Even that matters little now. I just wanna live. I'm learning to quiet my soul, for the universe has the power to preserve. I, and you, are a part of that universe, so we too have the power to preserve as well.
So after a decade of embarking on four different religious endeavors and embracing various diverse schools of thought, I'm back at square one: stillness of the soul. The state of "I don't know".
From KnaanVEVO
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